Today was kind of a big day. Got some long awaited news from the company I was reaaaallly hoping for an offer from. Long story short, I start on Monday:). So naturally I couldn’t wait to share the news with my biggest cheerleader, MOM.
“So….?????” she answered the phone w/o even a ‘hello’. ”It’s official.” I replied. ”Oh Thank God’ she sighed with relief. Actually she GASPED with relief. Long, heavy, arduous breathing ensued and it was as if I just informed her that they were going to be able to salvage my right leg after all. Chances were pretty good that she had actually stopped breathing altogether between the hours I had told her that it was “likely” and “official”. ’MOM!’ Calm Down!! I’m gonna need you to NOT get so worked up about this stuff!. JESUS!”
“Well I was worrieeeed!!! And there’s a lot going on right now between the stock market and your father’s pension thanks to these Goddamn republicans! Now I just have to worry about your sister getting the job with the insurance company. And then hopefully neither of you will get fired before the wedding. Have you talked to her yet today?!!?”
So this is essentially my Congratulations from MOM. In other words, ‘Thank God you got this job because your father and I cannot afford to start supporting you AND pay for this wedding so don’t even think about asking me for help when you get fired in 3 months because we can’t possibly do it right now and then what are you gonna do without a job and a husband in this economy because did I mention we can’t possibly help you at all so are you sure you can keep this job because if something happens we can’t help you and you may become destitute and die penniless and alone and have you re-started your 401k and backed up your computer yet ????!!!”.